I might have nothing in common with your bf, but I figured I'd tell my story:

I did this. Abruptly, out of nowhere broke up with my gf because a married woman I love went to a dark place and would have been lost without me. I keep her alive, but money and medical bullshit keep us apart. On the other hand my gf and I had a fantastic relationship. But you can't give yourself to two people. I wouldn't want to share either of them, so why should they share me? I'm the worst fucking hypocrite. So I ended it... And I too feel broken.

I broke up with my exgirlfriend because I have feelings for a married woman who it seems like I can never be with. I'm fucking miserable and it has probably ruined my life, and every day I want my ex back. And every day I miss her. And yet every day I feel I wouldn't be whole without the married woman.

I hadn't seen my ex in 4 years until a wedding last month. Her presence fills the room and she absolutely glows in my eyes. 4 years hasn't dimmed it even a bit. And on the rare occasion I see the married woman it warms my heart and reminds me what happyness is.

But I love the married woman, more. I think. Maybe? I don't know. If we were together it would be perfect... Every moment with her is perfection. Every sparse moment. Every moment was perfect with my gf also though... And that alone is why I have nothing to do with my ex, because she (and you) deserve someone who focuses on her. Because I would fall again for her instantly, and just as quickly abandon her if the married woman showed me attention. And just as instantly miss my exgf.

I swear to god they're both the best, kindest, most beautiful, most truely selfless individuals I have ever met. The fact either have loved me leaves me privaleged and thankful, but I don't deserve either. I don't have either. They both fill my thoughts. Every single day.

I could not focus on my girlfriend in the way she truly deserved, so I just sit here alone. But it's best. I will never love her only, and she does not fucking deserve to be someone's silver medal.

And yeah, according to people here, it's simple. I don't love either I guess. I suffer here alone to spare them. I think of them everyday, and I showered them with the affection they deserved. I need them both to survive. It's an impossible scenario.

Don't be a silver medal. Don't let someone elses fucked up feelings bring you down. Point is, my feelings are still a whirlwind 4 years later. How patient are you?