Start planning how you’re going to spend next Thanksgiving - or the next family “holiday” - somewhere else of your choosing. Seriously. Families like this don’t change. You do have a choice to make your own holiday plans, despite the guilt. (It took my partner and me, and others we know, far longer than was healthy for us to figure this out. Trauma in older adults becomes cumulative as all the holidays etc like this stack up. Happens to others who aren’t autistic. Classic dysfunctional family stuff.

For now, I’d leave the house and take a break to ride out this visit. Go for a walk, have to run an errand or sit somewhere quiet. Just get up and leave when BS starts. Don’t engage. Don’t JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain).

Changing the channel because they have the remote and “seniority” is one thing. The response to your request is another (father’s commentary, mother’s enabling and brother’s do no wrong status) - it’s abuse. Lookup the family dynamic term called scapegoating. It will begin to explain a lot. Good luck.