My father just said something to me, something that I can not handle.

Hey OP,

I'm really sorry you're going through this right now, but I find everything you say completely relatable. I've had some similar experiences.

My father blamed the downfall of the US economy on my birth. I came home from college over winter break one year and he angrily tells me that he has something to show me and points at a graph on his computer, says everything was going fine until this point, this is when you were born, and then he told me he regrets not having aborted me.

I know it may seem scary that you're going to be kicked out and on your own once you turn 18, but I do think that is a blessing in disguise. I think it would be really healthy for you to remove yourself from the toxic environment that is your family. I was suicidal when I was living with them because I didn't realize that there was a whole world outside of my household that wasn't complete shit. All the people I know who have broken away from their parents are infinitely happier now than they were being controlled at home.

I'm not emotionally stable either, and it doesn't matter that you're more emotional than the average woman. I try not to categorize characteristics as masculine or feminine because I think there are good things to be seen in both and a strong person will have characteristics in both.

Also, I'm impressed that English is your third language. Do you live in the US or a different country? If you're in the states, it's pretty damn obvious your father is wrong about its usefulness because that is the primary form of communication here. Even abroad knowing how to speak English is pretty useful. Any business that deals with tourists like their employees to know English in order to assist customers or translate. Knowing three languages (in the US or abroad) you could potentially become a translator, translate speeches, interviews, documents, etc. or become involved in some sort of diplomacy position. I know some people who work for the National Committee on US-China Relations who are American but learned to speak and write Mandarin. Now they get to fly back and forth between the US and China and arrange events that host important world leaders. Of course that involved learning a bit about politics and cultural differences along the way, but simply knowing multiple languages is the first step to this sort of job.

I wouldn't give up on writing if that's something you enjoy. There are a lot of subreddits for fiction, maybe you should try posting a story there, and then you can get feedback from other redditors with tips and suggestions. A lot of the authors on /r/nosleep are now published authors, their reddit fans supported them in a kickstarter, and now they're top sellers on amazon. Definitely something you shouldn't give up. But it will take effort, most people's stories don't immediately go viral. I heard from somewhere that it takes 10,000 hours of practice doing a particular thing to become successfully good at it. That might sound like a lot, but if it's something you're so passionate about and really invest all your efforts into, the time will fly by more quickly than you think. 10,000 is a little over a year, but because of sleep and life and other things, you'll probably be spreading that out over 2,3,5 years, maybe more, maybe less. Same goes for drawing, for some people it comes naturally, for some it takes practice. I'm sure there are a lot of instructional tutorials online that you could try. One technique that seems to work pretty well from what I've seen is to draw a grid and then complete your drawing one grid at a time. The first couple are going to suck, sure, and the next couple will suck less, keep them all. At some point, you'll draw something, be not quite satisfied with it, but then compare it to your first drawing and realize that you've actually made a lot of progress.

Dude, I think it's really cool that you can do CGI, and you're only 16!!! It's okay if you suck at it right now, a lot of really classic games started out with really shitty CGI and over the years evolved into the amazing complex things that they are now. Photography is one of my favorite artforms. You should share your photos on the internet, I'd be interested in seeing them. My brother isn't a photographer by profession, he just does it for fun because he loves it so much, and then he started to get really good at it, to the point where now he's a photographer for ComiCon.

I'm really sorry your dad treats you the way that he does. What you should tell yourself is his opinion doesn't matter. Because it doesn't. I still haven't forgiven my parents for putting me through the torture that was my childhood and adolescence. They are no longer important figures in my life, I've moved on and am happier without their negative influence. My mom isn't as bad as my dad, but I still find difficulty accepting her into my life. She let my dad treat me the way he did, and she stood up for him, and she never once took my side or tried to support me in any way during his verbal abuse. She just stood there and watched, let it happen. That's not okay.

So you're 16 now, you have 2 years to move out then. I'd start getting ready now. If you can, find a part time job and start saving up money. It would be ideal if when you turn 18 you have enough for a few months of rent during which you can figure out what you need to do to keep going. The world outside of home was a big scary place for me, not because of anything bad, but because everything was unknown. It soon felt like paradise, and I cried when I had my first real friend who didn't treat me like shit.

Ah, an internet crush. My very first crush was someone I started talking to online as well. We just clicked so well. It's kind of nice to talk to strangers sometimes, my crush was appealing to me because he gave me a different world to exist in than the assholes of my high school. Whenever we IMed, highschool bull shit drama all went away. We applied to go to a couple of the same colleges, thinking that if we both got in to the same schools, we could finally meet, and maybe even date, but acceptances came back and it wasn't to be. We slowly lost touch after that, although occasionally we still say hi. When I moved, I found myself in a new social circle, and eventually ended up in a relationship with a person who shared my hobbies and I was no longer sad about losing my internet crush. This real person had all the good qualities in addition to being someone whose shoulder I could lean on and cry. It's not irrational for you to feel so attached to your internet crush. She represents a world where you get acceptance and are free from the pains of your world at home. But eventually, you can take that world and make it your real world, and maybe she won't be in it, or maybe she will, but people like her will be in it.

Anyway, I hope this helps OP, sorry for the length. Take care, and don't hesitate to reach out to me if you feel like it. Your story really touched my inner feels because so much of it is like how my life was several years ago.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread