It’s no secret that I’ve been feeling increasingly hopeless about this cycle and my future in general, and this whole “getting a water” thing happened recently. I thought about how I know a lot of premeds who would try to spin this into some heavily exaggerated personal statement, wherein a menial task like grabbing a cup of water becomes some feat of Herculean importance. So then I decided to make a bamboozle out of it. Probably gonna off myself when I get my 10th R anyway so I might as well have a sense of humor about all this right?

Some details are of course changed, mostly for better bamboozling (and while telling the fully accurate story would be 100% HIPAA compliant, you can never be too careful). Observant readers may even notice a contradiction in the story; in case you’re wondering, putting a contradiction in a story is what passes as radical hijinks for me.