First off I just want to say that you are definitely in the right place to help you work through this difficult process. As others have said recognizing that we were all part of a high control cult, learning the signs and understanding how this affects our thinking and actions is very important. Second never ever ever feel guilty for being happier than you’ve ever been.

I’ll tell you a little story about myself, many years ago I lost my sibling very tragically, being still in the religion you’d think the prospect of paradise would help me reconcile with my grief. In reality though I could never get over it. I was more concerned with the fact that I’d never be worthy enough to even make it into paradise. After a successful fade and coming to terms with the fact that I had been in a cult, something crazy happened. I was finally able to come to terms with their death. I was able to celebrate their legacy not mourn their loss. I was happy, It was so freeing and for once I could bring up the good memories. For a moment I had a twinge of guilt, but I knew that was unhealthy and just the old JW way of thinking creeping in. I quickly kicked it to the curb, and so glad I did.

Never put guilt on yourself for living a happy life. And once you can come to terms with the fact that everyone around you is not worldly they are just people, everyone living their lives the best they know how. Some good, some not, but you get to decide that not by their religion but by how they act and it’s your choice, your terms no one else’s!

I lean more towards atheism, I believe that our world is where I draw my strength from, not some invisible being, but from everything I see in the world. The beauty, the love and the goodness in others. When you can look outside the confines of religion, the world while still not perfect and still sometimes scary is pretty darn amazing! Good luck in your journey, I found it to be well worth it!