How do I handle this? From this friend, and in general?

Feel free to borrow my awesome comeback:

We decided that the marriage medicine bottle should list a whole host of negative side effects:

• taking each other for granted
• "letting yourself go"
• an expensive and pointless party costing about the same as a downpayment on a house
• inviting the government into your private lives needlessly

We want our relationship to last a long time like Steadman & Oprah's (30 years and still going strong), or Kournikova and Iglesias's (18 years), and not have a marriage that implodes in 55 hours like Britney Spears and Jason Alexander's!