Unpopular opinion coming up -

I’m a woman married to a man like your GF. Everything looks perfect from the outside and most things really are great.

We tried individual and couples counseling and followed recommendations. For over a decade and nothing changed. I was so miserable, I felt disgusting and deprived and was so angry for so long. We had sex a couple times a year, enough to have kids and that was it. Everyone thought we were the cutest couple, meanwhile our marriage was rotting from the inside out. I cannot describe how unhappy this made me.

All these years later and recently he becomes comfortable with sex. Very basic, mechanical, man oriented sex. Fine, whatever, I do what I think a good wife does. But all I can think about is all of those years without it. How filthy and low I felt. Resentment over his expectation for me to sexually accommodate him after years of neglecting my feeling and needs. Our marriage is good enough and I’m still in therapy but I just haven’t been able to like sex again. Sex after those years of loneliness feels like putting a bandaid on a gangrenous wound.

You love her and that’s great, but if she doesn’t become comfortable with these things, you’re going to be miserable. Not necessarily right away, but the goal is to be together for life. Could you live like this forever? Check out the deadbedrooms subreddit, it’s full of similar stories. If you’re a typical libido person, you can’t go without adequate sexual attention forever. I’m glad my husband and I stayed together because we have kids. But sometimes you’ve got to cut your losses and move on.