3. my girlfriend is dead.

my girlfriend is dead.

Very sorry for ur loss. I lost my GF and GF to opiate/drug related overdose. GF Was apparently doing way more pills behind my back than I had any idea about till after her death. She was seizure prone and on mess for that and other mental and anxiety meds. Her asthma didn't go well with all the meds she was taking and long long story short second seizure OD later which I thought was a seizure she passed in my arms. I feel guilty everyday of my life for her death and still x yrs later have not forgiven myself. If only she never met me. My friend who I took in after him going through a hard time and another very long story was mixing bars, methadone, Roxys, heroin I'm pretty sure as well when he passed as well while also drinking on the job. He was in the union so according to his words drinking was part of the job which I told him multiple times how crazy he was with mixing all that every single day. I'm seriously talking about 4-5 bars a day liquefying 9 I think they were 80mg dones drinking it down proceeding to call himself a champion and just being a constant mess that no matter what I said wouldn't didn't care to listen to me and to this day his family after all he knows and I know I've done for him blame me Which makes me feel even more worse about the whole thing. Even though I took him to work everyday 430 am picked him up gave him a home. Seems no matter what I do in life I fuck shit up. Woke up to take him to work after he didn't wake me only to find he must've woke up in the middle of the night and fell face first into the wall and died some how. That was within a short time of losing my gf who was everything to me. Also lost my aunt who was like a 2nd mom 24hrs before my girl to stage five brain cancer. Last but not least lost my mother and grandmother who helped Raise me five yrs earlier. So what n why I'm saying all this and risking god forbid someone I know reading this and figuring out who I am is because I know ur in a world of hurt, pain, anger, guilt, many other feelings. Try not to do anything harmful like I've thought about n done. Gonna be a while before u can really cope with this which really is all you can ever do is just really cope. Only thing that helps is time. In time u learn how to deal with it I suppose. Although I still am because I'm still trying to kick but the pain from it all runs to fucking deep. As well as like u said the guilt. No matter who says it's not my fault I'll always feel like I could've done differently in at least the deaths of my girl and mom. If u get stupid thoughts try to get away from them anyway possible. Wish I never took what started as one fucking Vicodin up to over a bun a day and oding twice in last six months whishing I sometimes stayed down but I see who is effected by it n how it hurts them to see me like that and it makes me wanna get better but it's no lie really fucking hard. Sorry for the extra long ramble but stay strong for those still left if not for yourself. Good luck man. My heart goes out to u I know exactly how u feel.

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what would be less stupid to use recreationally every couple weeks from the darknet? m30 (obv not real) OR tested and confirmed uncut heroin? How did your addiction start? I took him food Out of curiosity..if you were given 1 billion dollars, but you couldn’t ever drink or get high again, would you take it? Which is the strongest type of addiction between an Opiate addiction and a Benzodiazepine addiction? fkn doctors Withdrawal after one day of sub use? Anyone know which opiate is the strongest agonist of the mu receptor? Is it just whatever opiates are strongest typically are strongest at that receptor? Did I overdose? Am I addicted to opiates? Today's going to suck Why do people always seem to think that drugs are causing mental health issues rather than we use drugs to cope with mental health issues? What have I done... Anyone else on here NOT want to get clean, and think they'll be a lifetime user? Enough of the bullshit

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