I'm torn on this one.

The thing is: If I'd have money I'd have a thousand ideas for potential self-employment or starting my own company. I'd love to do that.

But I don't have the money for that, I've been unemployed most of my adult life other than that one job in my special interest field where I've worked int he same company for around 5 years. After that? I was not able to handle work environments anymore.

I've been living off welfare for way too long already and while it's enough to survive, it's not enough for anything else. Even buying new shoes or cloths always is a problem. I don't even have enough money to follow potential hobbies, if I had friends I wouldn't really have money to do "stuff" with them either.

Almost every day all I do is walk my dog 3 times, hanging around on reddit, watch netflix and sometimes play some video games when I have the money to pay for a geforcenow subscription...and I fucking hate it.

Not that I would not enjoy those things, but I just feel miserable because that's everything there is for me and I know this will be the best I ever can get.

With the global economic situation, climate change etc I'm not even sure if it will stay like that for me so I'm scared about the future every day. I don't want to be homeless and I don't want to end in some kind of "homeless shelter" where I then would have to share my room with other people.

Working and earning my own money could potentially give me the option to spend my free time with actual hobbies I can enjoy as well -in the best case- give me the financial freedom to e.g. pay rent once the whole welfare system will maybe go no longer exist.

The problem is that I cannot function in most work environments and the few I could function in I can no longer get my "foot" in, due to being in my almost mid 40s by now and not having worked a normal job for so long.