My husband [29m] gets angry when I'm [28f] jealous of his female coworkers, but makes "jokes" about my male coworkers.

So, to summarize, or itemize, or something:

  1. you admit to being insecure
  2. your husband is very outgoing and (in your eyes) attracts many females
  3. you trust your husband but
  4. you want your husband to state he does not find other women attractive and
  5. you want him to affirm and reaffirm that he finds you attractive
  6. he doesn't want to say mean things about people he works with
  7. he made a joke about you fucking someone you work with
  8. you responded that you wouldn't fuck him because he's not attractive
  9. he apparently doesn't think of people as sexual beings until you ask him to explain why he doesn't find them attractive
  10. you have something against bald guys
  11. your question is whether you are missing some piece of logic or if he is making stuff up to avoid answering your question (although at this point the question he is supposedly avoiding is not clear)

Wow. Um, my comments:

  1. it should be expected that he will find other women attractive at times
  2. you should expect this, but know that thinking someone is pretty or beautiful is really quite meaningless unless your husband is looking for action outside of the marriage
  3. it should be expected that you will find men attractive
  4. being married or in a relationship does not mean that the rest of the human population suddenly becomes ugly
  5. there is nothing wrong, immoral, or inappropriate with finding any particular person attractive
  6. It's good not to say mean things about people
  7. you should not need other people to be ugly for you to feel attractive. this is definitely a problem that you need to work on
  8. I call bullshit on his statement that he doesn't think of other people as sexual until you ask him such questions. It's possible. But I think it is unlikely. And yet, there should be no problem if he does.
  9. bald men can certainly be sexy. 10 YES. Yes you are missing the logic. The logic is that you are so insecure that you want you husband to find other people ugly and unattractive because that seems to be the only way you can feel good about yourself. What would be better is if you could face the fact that there are millions and millions of beautiful humans in the world, and yet your husband chose you. It would be nice if the two of you could grow up and admit as much - that there are beautiful people all around - and then have fun with that fact and with each other instead of engaging in this petty nonsensical bullshit bickering that doesn't make any sense at all.

TL;DR: you need to figure out how to feel attractive without needing everyone else to be ugly. Maybe you need some therapy, maybe you can figure it out on your own. Stop feeling threatened by the beauty of other people. Learn to appreciate it.

/r/relationships Thread