I’m married to an alcoholic. I thought things were bad. Then his mom and brother (both alcoholics) died a few years back, suddenly, within 2 years of each other. He quit his job and drank and slept all day for a year living off our inheritance while the kids watched. It was the worst year of my life. I know the frustration you are feeling. It’s the most isolating and helpless feeling I’ve ever felt. I begged. I pleaded. I cried. I was so depressed. Nothing made him budge. The roller coaster of emotions they go through consumes every ounce of your energy. I finally realized that I can’t change him, I love him so I’m not leaving him, and I turned my attention to myself and started working on me. I lost a lot of weight, I started school, I hung out more with my friends. I focused on my kids. No it didn’t change him but it changed me.

He finally got a good job and slowed his droning down and is back to being a functioning alcoholic. I told him “look. If you want to drink I don’t care. But you have got learn to manage it you are making us all crazy” and we are finally to a place where he’s being considerate and managing his drinking. I’m just saying the best way to deal with it is to not deal with it. Work on you. If he’s gonna change he’s more likely to change on his own.

I feel like they thrive on us being caught up in their drama. They drink, we get mad and upset, they sober up, then they feel guilty and ashamed, which fuels the desire to drink. The best advice I can give you is to let go and not be part of that process. And you will get to that point eventually. I promise.