I lost my husband too he was 33 and it was lymphoma, the doctors never lie to you they can't it's against the law they have to be 100% honest I don't know what the hell you were saying now or what kind of trip that was. Your job when your spouse is ill is to be 100% compassionate put your feelings aside and be there for them it's not about you it's about them you have to be strong for them and put your grief aside until they have passed then you're free to grieve you cannot slap somebody who's sick and tell them to knock it off you have to be bigger weren't you in therapy to be prepared for the loss I was the moment they said my husband was ill I went into pre grieving counseling that took me through my husband's illness through his death and passed it I was nothing but caring and consoling to my husband I would have never slapped him when he was on his deathbed I think that's reprehensible. Fortunately your husband's dead and doesn't have to remember that and doesn't know and doesn't remember