My husband keeps leaving me out of decisions regarding schedule changes

Here I sit practically wondering the same thing.

My husband is a good guy. When it comes to SS, he is awful at communicating. We get stepson Christmas Day through New Years. This has been the schedule for 10 years. I have built routines/traditions around this arrangement. Santa doesn’t visit our house for SS because Santa visits him at his moms. Santa brings 1 toy, no electronics at our house. SS is completely cool with this because Santa does make sure he gets a stuffed stocking. We get him the weekend before Christmas, we visit Santa, get ornaments (5 one per person), build a gingerbread house - you get the picture.

I am a go with the flow parent but my mom just died... December 12th. We should have had step son but I was so upset that I stopped thinking. Then I confused this week for last week totally expecting to get SS and I get told no, we get his Christmas Eve through New Years because his mom has plans.

My husband told me all of this 2 days ago, because he forgot. Just like he forgot to tell me we were getting SS the SAME DAY I delivered our still born daughter (delivered at midnight, sent home at noon, had SS by dinner). I didn’t even want my youngest around, the oldest was already away. My husband could have made arrangements but he didn’t, and didn’t understand how much it hurt me - I just lost a baby and I didn’t want my kids to see that grief.

So I’m kinda back to feeling like shit. My mom died and I have my family of 5, my job, Christmas, and grief. Topped with the surprise of having to completely change Christmas plans to make sure SS has the perfect Christmas with us, incredibly upset that plans changed (I’m sensitive right now, I was looking forward to them) and that my husband just forgot and a simple I’m sorry should suffice and he doesn’t understand.

Your husband is more worried about keeping the peace on his end than worry about how any of it makes you feel. It’s easier to tell you no than it is her. Which is so fucking stupid. I think you’re justified in being upset and it kills me to know I’m not the only one who basically feels like they aren’t allowed to be upset because the reason involves a child and we’re seen as assholes - even if we love the kid. And the husband is so absolutely oblivious to the situation that even if he is wrong he doesn’t know what to say so, the sorry should be enough.

/r/stepparents Thread