My husband (m25) is mad at me (f23) for not letting him use the gift that he gave me

On the surface, this argument is about the video game and how one of you doesn’t want to play it yet until you get your own console and the other one wants to play it, even though the game isn’t theirs. They aren’t getting what they want so they’re doing what probably worked for them in childhood - pouting, being grumpy, guilt tripping/manipulation - to get what they want. You are also doing what worked for you in childhood - complaining, getting defensive, avoiding the issue with your partner and going to people outside the relationship for help.

The deeper issue is it seems like there is contempt and maybe some resentment from you towards your husband. It could also be vice versa but because I only have your POV Thats all i got to work with. Your contempt is hidden under your reasoning that he is violating your boundary (which yes, he can’t take no for an answer. That is concerning and I’m certain it’s a behavior he’s displayed long before you both were married). I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, they are; I’m saying contempt in any relationship is the killer of all relationships (please read Gottman for more info).

You are not the victim here and neither is your husband. You are both responsible for every issue in your relationship and every joy in your relationship. You say it’s your second time returning to this subreddit with an issue in your marriage. Do you want to fix your marriage or would you rather complain about it online? Why do you want to be in companionship with someone you do not seem to respect or cannot respect because of how they treat you? Do you even love this person? Do you believe you deserve to be treated this way?

At the end of the day, it’s not about the switch and I think you may know that. Why are you both even committed to each other? What was your reason for getting married to someone? And can this stage of your marriage be used to help you both grow into better people and deeper into your relationship or will it end your marriage? That choice is up for each of you to make.

/r/relationships Thread