My post on /r/relationships is now locked, but over there the consensus was a steadfast lawyer + not going to work out. There are other comments that this might be entirely salvageable because maybe we haven't had a proper sit down discussion that wasn't yelling about custody and divorce. I thought about it, and I think this is correct, in that our discussion really wasn't productive.

We talked this morning. He apologised and said that he meant none of it. He obviously has some concerns, and frankly, so do I. But our relationship hasn't been bad this entire time--I left out some other personal issues with sex on his end, and I left out the part where he started his own business just before our daughter was born (which is now the major reason that I currently make the overwhelming majority of our household income, and we're doing quite well).

We have a date night this Friday. We'll have dinner and talk it out like adults. There are changes that I think I can make, that are probably overdue. I think I can understand some of his concerns as is, with the staying at home part--he feels that he has no time to himself at his own house, because we're always there. I can make an effort to give him an entire Saturday, and he can make an effort to help on the weekdays.

Then we will get very drunk and Uber home. My in-laws are visiting, so it's both a bad and a good time to have this talk.

At the end of the day, we cuddle and we don't fight. This was some pent up resentment on both ends, but I'm in a way glad he finally said it. If our daughter were old enough to understand parental relationships, she would be none the wiser--we do get along extremely well overall, though clearly there are underlying problems.

I'm glad I posted my rant, because it gave me a lot of perspective for what an outsider would think, other people's experiences, and a general idea for what I have the right to demand and a general idea for what he has the right to demand. Obviously this isn't just on him, and if what he wants is just a full day for himself for once--well, I've been meaning to get into kite-making.

I appreciate your response. I wonder if our situations are more different than alike, and that gives me some hope to just resolve the current problems, and see where it takes us.