Hi, just want to let you know you are not alone. I have and still do feel this way, and suffer insomnia, where I often can't sleep for days. There are nights when I just write down what is troubling me most too in the hopes that somehow I will find sleep afterwards. But I always delete it a short while later. I've no friends and have never had a s/o, and I don't know how to make anything I want to happen, but worse than that I don't know most of the time what I even want. I don't have any good advice really, besides that you should speak to a professional, and try to get help. I don't want you to want to die, but I don't have any inspiration to give you.

What I can say is most people are selfish and evil in my experience too, and realistically you probably won't change the world in any meaningful or significant way, but if you focus more on yourself and who you want to be you'll find things may improve. You see the world as evil and selfish, so try to be kind and selfless, if you can be these things then surely out of 7 billion there are others that are also kind and selfish. Don't make your life about what happens to you, make it about what you do.