My [M 23] girlfriend [F 22] of two years is planning to take up a job in another country for a year and I need some help.

I was/am kind of in your position. My SO left to volunteer abroad for a year (he's coming back in 2 months.) And we both wanted me to go with him, but due to my own life choices, I was just not able to go. I also didn't want to hold him back, so I encouraged him to leave.

The transition was the hardest part. From seeing each other every week, talking to each other all day every day, to suddenly not being able to talk hardly at all. It was hard. There were days I just stayed in bed. There were days I burst into tears out of nowhere. But then I got up and did something. I got myself a part time job. I signed up for various classes. I made myself super busy to distract myself from missing him all the time. And it worked. I still miss him, and I am counting the days til I pick him up from the airport, but it's less painful. Because I am my own person. I have my own life, and I have made myself happy. I don't rely on him to make me happy, and for this reason, I am glad we had this time apart to grow. Because now, I pretty much have my shit together. Or at least more so than I did before he left.

As to the question of how much contact you should have, it really depends on the location. My SO went to a country with a 14 hour time difference than me. Do we talk all the time? No. But we'll send each other messages and snaps throughout our days to let each other know we are thinking of them. We FaceTime maybe every other day, my morning time and his bed time. That schedule just works for us. We don't really have deep conversations anymore, but even saying goodnight/good morning for five minutes every day is enough to satisfy ourselves. It wasn't always like that though. For the first few months, we FaceTimed maybe once a week on the weekends.

We don't consider each other as "boyfriend and girlfriend" officially though. I do consider him my SO, and I am waiting for him to come back. Is he out there screwing other girls? Highly doubtful. (Seriously. Not just from being loyal to me; he just isn't one to have sex without some type of relationship and he wouldn't start a relationship that he knew would only be temporary.) But even if he was dating or screwing around, I know he's not doing anything wrong because we are not together. It is my choice to stay single, waiting for him to come back. And whatever choices he's making, they are his to make.

That is just unique to my situation though. I have high hopes that when he comes back, we can finally really be together. One year is not that long compared to the rest of our lives.

I'm not sure what to tell you about your depression and insecurities. I do think this time away from each other will be good for you though. I encourage you to take the approach that I did. Focus on your work while you're working. Outside of work, sign up for some kind of class: dance, art, rock climbing, parkour, whatever strikes your fancy and is a little outside of your comfort zone. Use your time to learn a new language. If you take a beginners' class of some sort, you will make fast friends. Just put yourself out there and be sure to smile.

Good luck, OP. You'll figure it out.

/r/relationship_advice Thread