That makes more sense! I understand the hurt, and the confusion, and mistrust. My ex husband kept logs of women he spoke to online and I found them when he was asking me to look up music files for him one day. Hundreds of pictures, conversations, and many women he interacted with behind my back. It hurt my self worth more than it hurt his feelings when he could see me confused. He wasn’t sleeping with me either. By no means am I unattractive, and I’m sure you’re beautiful as well! You deserve someone that makes you feel like you can rest well and not fight on their terms. He’s either afraid of your reaction or doesn’t care. Either way isn’t fair to your personal progress as a human. If he wants his porn, cool, you do you dude but you gotta at least make your relationship feel peace and the relationship has to be first. When he dips out on you late nights, I would be sketched too. You’re not wrong in feeling off, you’re just deserving of better communication and more trust in your partner.