I think something that burdens many of us raised in this type of family dynamic is the concept of the "inner critic." It is the voice in your mind that kind of monitors everything you do, points out your faults, criticizes you and often makes you feel guilt and shame. In some of us, the voice is a direct reflection of our parents- a mother or a father. We internalize their worldviews, reactions and responses to us in such a way that even when we are away from them, we continue to lead our lives influenced if not completely determined by what we think their response would be to us in that situation. When you are feeling confused like this, can you take some time to explore what you are believing? Just say to yourself "what am I believing in this moment?" And then, follow that up with the question "Is this my belief? Or is it my mother's?" It is essential to differentiate and alienate the parental voice in our head, from what we truly believe and want. If not, we can never understand ourselves, or live lives that our true to us and that we can be at peace with. From a young age, my mother embedded within me the belief that it is a grave sin to have sex before marriage. I was so deeply affected by her convictions that when I had an intimate experience (not even sex!) in my early twenties followed by a heart-break, I experienced such deep shame, guilt and depression that I completely isolated myself and did not enter into another relationship afterward. I was convinced that by sinning I had brought the difficult situation onto myself, I suffocated from feelings of shame and worthlessness. A decade later, I realize that it was my mother's brainwashing and the inner critic that kept repeating to me the criticisms and hatred that my mother would shower on me in this situation that made me live this way. I have been isolated for a decade! I have missed out on meaningful, valuable, intimate relationships during the best years of my life because inherently I feared my mother's reaction! After such long isolation and lack of experience, there is a possibility that I may not be able to experience an intimate loving relationship again even if I want to. Do you see the dangers of living according to the values and perceptions of others? How important it is for us to be the driving force of our lives, and the sole decision makers? It doesn't mean we will not make mistakes, but whatever happens, we can be at peace and content knowing that we made the decision from a place that was true to ourselves. Do you want to know the craziest part of all this? My mother had sex before marriage.