So you let them go? Or did you just take an emotional distance?

My mom is alone, and I love her a lot, and I think in her way, she loves me. I won’t let go. But I need to take an emotional distance not to get hurt. I already did get disappointed and hurt one too many after the death of my dad. She lives her life, with her guards up never admitting or showing weakness. Like she is made of stone, not vulnerable, not human. Looking at me like an ailien if I talk about feelings, grief, depression and human stuff. This wall she builds created a big distance between us and I feel rejected, dismissed. I can talk about my father in law and how he must feel knowing he is losing his memory, and all the emotions that makes him drink, and my mom speaks about how hard it must be for him to lose the car. We are on different planets. Feelings are like tabu for her.

I don’t think she understands how much the farm means to me. She denies the fact thae consecuense of what she is doing is that the farm gets sold to strangers which is a crying shame, and the day my brother and me get the money, we won’t need them as much as now. And you can ask what makes upper middle class stay wealthy while working class makes sun optimal choices, well, this. Not discussing inheritance while people are alive. Not thinking about the future. Not discussing money. As much as I hate that «calculated» mindset of middle class, I do understand it too. If middle class partents in this city did not move out of their big houses and into smaller houses our apartments, their kids would be the ones raising their children in small apartments. So they plan, and help out. They are much more involved in their children, no matter the age. But my mom will never understand. She will live in her mansion until it falls apart and gets sold. I think she forgot how much help she got when she settled with my dad to have my brother. Her dad built the house and gave all the timber to them. My grandparents let them build a house on the farm and buy the whole farm. My mom did not even let them have the horses. They got rid of them for her to be happy. And she thinks it is all hers. My dad grew up there, I grew up there. She did not! She just started bossing people around, demanding.

And what help did I get? To buy my apartment I spent all my savings, 70 k usd. My parents did help with 10k. I did all the reasearch, went to see it. I had no clue about what I was doing, but I bid. I had 260 k usd as my mortage. My mom helped me to move my stuff in, she took the train to help me carry my stuff from a rented flat to my new home. It was a nice apartment in a poor and shitty area of the city. I loved it there. Moved in with my fiance later and we got more debt. My brother lives in a humble house. My mom lives in a mansion, rents out a house, has her forrest, a new bmw, new designer furnitures every year. She goes to the hair dresser every week. I can’t afford a car. I just don’t get it. Why does she not plan for our future? Maybe she thinks I haven’t helped her enough to deserve anything. I thought I made her happy by studying, moving to the city, trying to make a career.