My mother [51] has squirmed her way into my[F/23] and my SO's[M/25] first apartment together. I think it's unfair and it has become HELL to deal with her. She has plans of all 3 of us renting a house in the future. I do not want any of this!

You are trying to do what's best for your family. So you are definitely not a bad daughter in any definition. Please find the strength in yourself to realize that your heart wants to help but you deep down you know this is not the right way. Your mom sounds a lot like my mom. She is a good person at heart but she's always making bad decisions. She's always looking for external guidance but not necessarily showing the most outwardly appreciation of that guidance. I think a serious discussion would suit you guys well. Tell her that you feel like the current living situation is hurting your relationship with her. That instead of bringing you both together, your differences in living styles and personalities is more apparent and getting in the middle of you two having the best relationship possible; that you miss having her as a mother figure instead of a roommate. Make sure she knows that if anything serious were to happen to her you would be there for her in a heart beat much like you are now, but while she's healthy and financially responsible you feel like supporting her has come on too soon and if you feel comfortable saying so...interfering with the foundation and bonding period of your own relationship. Then extend the helping hand to help her with her finances because it sounds like she's never really had to do that before. Maybe find a place for her in your neighborhood to ease the transition. Go with her to look at apartments and be patient. It doesn't see for your post that she's a bad person to have in your life, just one that's better to have from a distance. One that you can take a break from. So put the extra effort in to help her find comfort in her own home and own space (is there an apartment complex close by to your neighborhood!?). Maybe help her find clubs that focus on hobbies that she's interested in to find new friends. She is your mom and I can see why everybody in this situation is struggling, but with communication and being extra proactive I think that you all can find a living situation that appeases everybody. I also hope that with the romantic history of your mother that she can find power and a new found confidence of being an independent woman. Encourage her to find her inner Beyoncé /j and turn a time of basically rock bottom into a time of personal rejuvenation. I did this with my own mother and made my whole relationship with her about pep talks and positivity. She also started seeing a therapist that was equally as positive so I suggest that you try to ease into that topic as well but view it need as a life counselor or coach. someone that affirms her life changes and guides her to a more fulfilling and independent path. This will not be the most easiest transition for either of you, but I promise you that your relationship with her and your partner will be more enriched because of it. You're not obligated to help her, but like I do, I feel like you'll be happier and feel more fulfilled that you did. If anyone is worth this kind of effort, it is family.

/r/relationships Thread