It probably wasn't very justified to say "of course", but during the time we had agreed that we were going to be open with each other and help each other out. It's a messy reason why I think it was evident that I would've been pissed by what she did, but I think (not sure, and probably not objective) that it was along the lines of:
1) you're in a relationship with another guy, how long has this even been going on for?
2) I've skipped a month of school literally just for you and you've been seeing counselors for months, but the person who helps you is not us but some guy.
3) I was stressed during this time because I had to deal with my dad and his brothers, and people being generally unsympathetic.
4) The guy had 3 divorces in the past, 10 years older than her, and is above well-off in terms of finance, and struck me as extremely cocky and deluded, and as someone who was trying to take advantage of my mom.
5) She was lying to me a lot, and still is in general
Chances are however, that it was a mix up stress, entitlement, and fear that she was going to leave me or something. (She had been going to her 'friends' place more and more often in the weeks preceding this event, and I was just at home alone. I didn't really like counselors because I really felt like they didn't think that my problem was much of anything, but to me it was everything... Though i suppose things are different now that it's May. Plus, I was struggling to be social, so I really needed her, but she didn't want to be there :/ )
Yah, i was being vague about the economic situation, but I guess my parents are also being vague about it and it's stressing me out. They keep on saying how they might have to do a second job, or how we can only spend money on the bare essentials. I don't have much details either, but I get stressed out about it because I have to buy the groceries each week and there were a couple situations where I just didn't have enough money to pay for the groceries.
I think the reason why i'm complaining about how she's spending her money however she likes is because i find it hypocritical and selfish of her to make me get the short end of the stick and to complain to me about financial hardship.
I'm supposed to stay with her for 5 days during the week, (I get to pick where to stay, but I don't like to stay at my father's very much, for obvious reasons i hope) and in the last 8 weeks she's only been there for 3 of them at most.
The job part lacks context, she said it when we were talking about how she wasn't spending enough time with me. I won't talk about it much since it's not entirely relevant, but I didn't mean it as in she should spend less time for work and spend it with me, and she didn't mean it as in she needs a job and her own financial security more than she needs her relationship with me. My thing about her trying to keep me happy is that it seems to be really half-assed, or that she doesn't want to, but she has to.
My mother talks in extremes at times, and it makes me wonder if she's afraid of death and of living an unfulfilling life. She even advised my dad to go get another wife to enjoy his last years on earth, which is kinda... what? She also talks about how her last two marriages have been really bad and how she's screwed up a lot and how she's wasted about 30 years of her life? So I think she said that because it's one of her fears, I don't think i've done anything to make her think that way.
As for "Does she have really have a right to be so happy and self-indulgent when it means that i'll suffer as a consequence?", I feel that she did all of this regardless of how I would or might feel about it.
In context she had said "l'enfer, c'est les autres" which is her quoting a french existentialist philosopher, she said this to justify her happiness over how I would feel at all and that if she were to consider my happiness then she'd be giving herself hell, and why should she do that. In literal translation it means, "Hell, is other people" or "other people cause hell". To me, it seems as if she's taking the quote out of context, because I don't imagine existentialism's intent was to justify selfishness and self-righteousness. Either way, the reason why i say this is because I've begun to think that if she's only going to be concerned about her own happiness, then she shouldn't complain that i'm complaining about it. Sure, i can't restrict her from doing whatever she's doing, but is it unreasonable for me to complain about it? (To me, if i admitted that she has the right to do whatever she wants regardless of how i feel, then i shouldn't complain about it either. But generally speaking, i've come to dislike "rights" because it seems that although it protects people from great wrong doing, it's also been abused by people who take it for granted.)
I don't really understand why people say that it "wasn't my problem", if I see my friend's gf cheating on him should i not do anything? I'd think that most people would say either sit tight or talk to your friend about it. Plus, i don't feel like i have much of an emotional toolkit for anything. Living with my narcissistic dad and enabling mom for the last 16 or so years has impacted me quite a bit.