I feel for u so much. If your mother is a constant source of such cruelty and ignores your pain, it’s really best to go no contact. I don’t know if you’re still living with her or not. I have a mother that would say similar things to me when I was in an extremely dangerous place mentally, she’d say things to push me even more. I truly think she was trying to get me to do it. I couldn’t wrap my head around how a mother could act like that and blamed myself. Pls know it’s not u. She has some serious issues and it’s HER issues and how she’s treated u that could be a huge reason you’re feeling hopeless.

In my suicidal state, I’d blame myself that even my own mother didn’t care if I lived so it must be me. Not all mothers deserve to be mothers. How could anyone, esp a mom say shit like that?

Later I needed treatment to prevent cancer that I’m at very high risk for that needed one vial of her blood, and she refused. Then it started really sinking in, she really, truly doesn’t care if I live and didn’t care I had suspicious tumors. Then I started to truly understand that it wasn’t my imagination, she was that evil and mentally ill and didn’t care if I lived. But that was something wrong with her, not me.

In my case, my mother never wanted me for a long list of reasons and bc of her own mental illness. I didn’t realize that for a LONG time and blamed myself bc she’d play such mind games. But as I began getting therapy I began to see just how much she emotionally abused me and she began to panic that I might let all her dirty secrets out about the abuse, I sincerely believe she wanted me to die.

I don’t know if this was just a one time comment from your mom or if there’s a history of those kinds of cruel comments. If there is, she has mental health issues and us as victims aren’t the ones that can make them see that, nor is she capable of being any help to u.

I highly encourage u to go no contact and remove yourself from interacting with her at all. When you’re already struggling, u absolutely can’t risk having to hear even one cruel comment like that. Going no contact was the beginning of my healing. The only way I could finally see that I wasn’t the sick one, I was being abused. I’ve been physically, sexually and emotionally abused, and the emotional abuse from my mother was the worst and did the most damage. Getting away was the biggest step in helping me feel better about myself and saved my life.

Even if u still live with her, stay away from her and avoid any conversations. Emotional abuse and gaslighting, making u think you’re crazy and everything is your fault, is utterly painful and u need to be with someone supportive. Hopefully u can find a therapist or anyone with a compassionate ear.

I’ve been to the brink numerous times and attempted once and lost my father to suicide. I know it sounds like BS right now, but it can get better. U might not feel it right now, but there are ppl that would be devastated if u were gone. It’s seems like the only solution sometimes, but I promise u, things can completely turn around. Just take one step today to care for yourself. See a therapist, call a friend or the hotline, keep coming here. There’s hope, it’s just really hard to see it sometimes. Don’t let her cloud your view. Hang on and know you’re worth the effort to keep trying. Don’t let the bastards that hurt u take your life. Fight for yourself. U deserve it and you’re worth it.