My mother is a nationally recognised parenting expert, despite being a narcissist

So some of what I am about to write may be a reach, because I am using a lot of personal experiences that may not be applicable, so please take what fits you and discard the rest.

First, I empathise a lot with your situation. My mother is not a child expert, but she is a mommy blogger who has been posting about her kids online for more than a decade. She was also deeply abusive. It’s hard to live with that dissonance, especially when people use you as an example of what a great parent they are, and all you really have is years of trauma and pain and silence.

First, you haven’t mentioned therapy at all in your post. Are you currently seeing someone? It sounds like you have some childhood trauma and exisiting relationship issues with your mother that would greatly benefit from a professional. Seeing a trauma specialist and properly unpacking and understanding my mother and childhood was incredibly helpful. It took me years to really unlearn all of the shitty lessons about myself my mother taught me. If you are not seeing someone, I really recommend that you change that before you make any big choices.

Secondly, I understand wanting to expose your mother. I have been there. But you need to ask yourself, will this help me heal in the long term? Because if you speak publicly about your mother you open yourself up to further trauma. People like our parents won’t take this type of action lightly. They will victim blame and call everything lies. They will double down on their behaviour. Your family life will implode. Unless you are no contact it will be very messy. If you have underage siblings, you may not be able to have any contact with them.

When I wanted to expose my mother, it was coming from a place of pain. She hurt me so badly and I felt like it was justice to hurt her publicly. It felt so wrong that there were people who were following her story and advice not knowing the pain she had inflicted on her children. But I realised that I was only going to get hurt more in the process. Once the story is public it is out of your control. It’s a big choice that can’t be changed. Please make sure that you are making it with the best possible support system in place and are not opening yourself up to any further pain.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread