Does anyone else feel like there's an aspect of this in some situations where mom/aunt/grandma just doesn't want you to have more than they had? Like it forces them to confront that they accepted and participated in their own subjectification, so seeing someone else in that spot possibly brings up all kinds of regret?

I know some people and cultures are genuinely religious/traditional and I can respect that it's possible this kind of thing is done with good intention, but sometimes... damn. I've heard so much of this shit from my aunts and to me it seems painfully obvious that they regret not making some of the same choices. That's what "well this is how it's always been" boils down to anyway

You rule, OP. Keep making your own choices, they sound smart