Thank you! I will definitely hit you up. May be in a month or two. I do suffer from addiction but I consider myself as having a "handle" on it. Which I know is something that addicts say but I do not obliterate myself anymore which I used to do. After a 5 years of trying all kinds of legal psych drugs starting at 18 (Which in the end I believe gave me at least my GAD which makes me constantly uncomfortable, a knot in my stomach since I was 23 and im 29 now) it's constant pain. The depression and malaise are probably my doing as I went through full blown uncontrolled drug use for a couple years before getting arrested.
And then I decided to be sober for 3 whole years. I never felt right again. My doctor put me on 60 Xanax a month which I eventually asked to be klonopin which I slowly weaned down to 45 this past time. I am self medicating in a way that can't be long term but it allows me to work and talk in a way that sometimes are impossible for me. THis whole exchange for example and working full time even if it's remotely. Weed helps but I quit 3 months ago to see how I felt (so much worse still) and Ketamine is my last attempt at chemical help. If it doesn't work i'll find a therapist and try that along with forcing myself into situations I avoid and a better diet/exercise routine.
I have looked into microdosing but my mind goes into a negative loop on psychedelics (normal doses) and I worry about microdosing because like the SSRIs and such,, the effect is hard to notice at first.
This is why I self medicate despite my pyschological danger, I have control over the dose and know exactly what it will do. Gives me a control I let some quack have over my brain for way too long.
It's been a rousing success but I wanna be completely sober. Which I plan on being before I do the infusion. Weed was the hardest to quit because it's actually medicine for me. Works for all my symptoms. I'd rather not have them though, ya know?
I haven't slept so i'll get back to you when my mind is more clear, as this deserves a clearer head. Do know that I am quite self aware and not fooling myself about my issues. Im just trying to learn how to not be in pain when im sober and where the actual issue lies. Maybe im just in bad physical shape and my diet is wrong, who knows.
Im having more success and feel better doing at least this part my way. And I will have questions about the Ego-Dissolution as that is what frightens me most about LSD though I never got there as my fear was too great.