3. My Orthodox boyfriend was divorced, and it's a scary can of worms.

My Orthodox boyfriend was divorced, and it's a scary can of worms.

Some people see marriage as the top of the relationship escalator. It's where the two-storey, white picket fence suburban house lives, along with true love everlasting. Others see it very differently...

My parents didn't love each other for most of their "marriage". Too many of the people I know who are married are miserable, and/or have divorced. They spend way too much money on a narcissistic public display of affection and make a mockery of the institution a few short years later. Divorce. Red tape. Lawyers. Courtrooms. Bureaucracy. Wash rinse and repeat. No thank you. To even go through the motions of a marriage when the institution has been so thoroughly debauched is an exercise in narcissistic self-deception I simply will not entertain. Not for anyone. I couldn't care less what my family or my SO's family thinks of this. If they don't accept me and my SO as-is they're free to take a hike, and I'm happy to tell them that in no uncertain terms.

What I will do? I'll work hard to be fair to my SO. To consider her needs and work to fulfill them. I'll expect the same in return, and hold her and myself to account. I'll do this as long as I am willing and able to. If I accept the responsibilities of fatherhood, I'll fulfill them. I'm willing to accept those responsibilities outside of marriage.

There's a small but growing segment of the population who thinks this way. Well educated, intelligent, secular people who think marriage is a laughingstock and refuse to take part. I'm obviously biased, but I like to think that this group includes some of the best partners you're likely to be able to find. I could be wrong, but you should at least consider the possibility. Is a meaningless piece of paper and a narcissistic ceremony -- neither of which have any predictive power over relationship length, quality, or satisfaction -- really so valuable to you?

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