My parents want my boyfriend to “try harder.” Had no idea we (23F, 27M) were considering marriage despite dating for over 2 years and my plans to move in with him.

Sorry for the lack of detail. I was mad and posted this ASAP right after the convo.

My mother and father would always compare me and my bf to their relationship, especially my boyfriend to my father. They were never afraid to share their negative opinions of him. They stopped doing this after I just drowned them out for long enough - I think because they know I won’t listen anymore, and it’s pushing me away from them. They think I’ve changed dramatically since dating him, and used to associate negative things about me as influence from him. I have yet to hear much of this lately since tuning out of their crap.

I guess I was just surprised that my parents had no idea that I was this serious about him, despite dating for 2+ years, me mentioning moving in with him, planning to eventually mov across the country together and start our careers, etc. Maybe because they always shut me down and say that where I want to move is so depressing and rainy, that they would never want to live there, and start to talk about their own experiences rather than inquire any further. Same things when I talk about how serious I am with bf... they just say “well okay.” And not much more. They never asked about my future with him. I’m not sure if that’s normal for them to ask, but they don’t.

I totally understand and support my boyfriend’s position in regard to my parents. That part of the equation doesn’t bother me. Even so, he does still talk with my parents about the same amount he does with his own. Therefore, he does try VERY hard. If he had it 100% his way, he would never want to chat with my parents until years down the road when hopefully everything is well in the past.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread Parent