Sounds like it might be time for you to step down as DM for a while. I don't know what your rant entailed, but if you told them how you are feeling and their response was that they are only interested in their own fun, then you need to take a break from DMing.

On the other hand if your rant was just "Well you guys are always derailing and never pay attention! You need to stop making puns and listen when I talk, take notes on key events, and actually think about what's happening in the world and base your decisions on that!" then yeah, you're not going to get a good response.

Basic conflict resolution means you need to explain to the other person(s) how their behaviour makes you feel without judging or invalidating their behaviour. Simply inform them of the consequences of their actions. If they choose to change those actions, then good. If not, then you need to stop DMing.

At the end of the day, you and your PCs seem to have different goals and ideas about the campaign. One group needs to realign those goals, or no matter what happens, you aren't going to reach a sustainable solution. Ideally, this is the sort of thing best discussed before a campaign starts.