My roommate is trying to melt me

talked to landlord and landlord agrees I need to non-confrontationally tell her to leave. Turns out she's on the lease by law of being someone over 18 and in an apartment, but because I/my parents are her cosigner she can't kick me out and I'm the "main tenant." My options are replace her.

Pay her to leave. Ask her how much it would take to get her to move out. Don't offer first. Say you can't afford it. Offer her 3-4/12th rent to move out. If her rent is $1k, then that's a significant amount. And sounds desperate and large enough that she should take it. If she agrees, get her to sign a document of the date and amount.

If you surcharge 1/12th, it will take 3-4 months to pay yourself back. Once you get paid back, start upgrading everything.

A slightly nicer X or Y makes a huge difference. But make sure it's the right upgrade. Some upgrades don't matter.

came back from all this to find the vent closed AGAIN and tried to not lose my shit at the roommate. Calmly asked about it and when her new excuse was that it's right over her desk and she was getting too cold I said just speak up instead of closing the vent and offered her one last peace offering that if that's the real issue we can switch the sides of the room our desks are on.

That shit ends. If you have pets and you need to turn on the AC AND you pay for appropriate usage, it's a non negotiable. If she insists on turning off the AC then you both need to agree that you two shouldn't live together anymore.

Some girls hate AC. They're cold blooded. If that's the case, you shouldn't live together anymore.

She passively agreed but again based on her reaction I don't think it'll happen. I'll give her a few more days of this and if she makes no attempt to work things out now that she's had an offer then I'll sit her down and say she needs to leave.

When it comes to that point, you've got to analyze the situation and put in incentives for her to move out NOW.

Ask her how much it will take her to move out, then undercut it and negotiate from there.

If you're just new into your lease then you have a lot of leverage. If you're near the end, then that sucks. But assuming that you're 10 months in...

Offer her 3/12th rent to move out by July01. It's soon enough, and with 'school out' it will be easier to look for a place, and drop it 1/12th a month. That will incentivize her to move out as soon as possible. If you have at least 3 months left in your lease, you will break even. If this is at month 10, then you will be 7/12th rent ahead.

Don't be rude, but be bitchier. Start nagging for the things that matter. Your post said that she's messy. Start nagging about the mess. Use it as stress relief. Use it as a way to practice confrontation. Tell the landlord about the boyfriend. Look into the lease about live ins. Ask your landlord to do an un announced knock when he's home, and tell the landlord to 'tell' you that you're not allowed guests x/week.

Start being a bitch now.

For god's sake, stop being nice, RFN. Stop talking to her in a 'social' manner. If she or her boyfriend asks why you don't say anything, be honest, but don't blame. Say you hate living here and you're trying to figure out what to do.

That way it will drive her to look for a new place.

Once she agrees that she wants to move out, give her the ability for 3 week notice. That way she can shop for a place without being fully comitted. You want to give her a gentle parachute, but be sure that she knows you want her out of the plane. If you have the test ad out, you will know that even with 3 weeks notice, people still can be found. And if you find people that responded to my severe ad, (can you post what you wrote? I'd like to see the revisions for my own improvement), you have hope that there are people who don't want to live with idiots, and are committed to keeping the place clean.

With a 3 week notice, you can pre screen people to look at the place for the first week, and once she gives notice, second week you can have those people come look at the place ASAP, and hopefully all at once.

Find advertising in non conventional places. Put up posters in areas of 'good' professions.

Examples such as: Hospital, school staff rooms.

Ideally you will live with people that love AC so they'll 50/50 your electricity bill. That already is a $50/month gain for you in the summer months.

When people move in. Get a 3 month lease. Say you have no idea 3 months from now. If it works out, it can continue, if not its just the end of the lease.

At this point it's time to put the lock box on the AC. Ask the landlord to do that. If he hesitates, ask him to come visit the apartment. If he sees the mess he sees, he'll proabably gladly put a lock box on the AC.

/r/badroommates Thread Parent