I had a suicidal friend at one point in my life.

We (his small group of friends) all knew he was depressed, and going through a lot. We tried encouraging him to go into counseling, we talked to his family, we tried to give him overkill support and love the best we knew how.

For months, it was the central point of our free time to try to help our friend. At the end of the day, no matter what we did, it seemed to just push him further and further into depression. After a serious talk, we decided that maybe the best course was to lay off to give our friend some breathing room.

A few days later we found out he hung himself in his bathroom. It will be the 9th anniversary of his death next month.

To this day it rattles me to my core, and as I type this I can't help but to cry a little. Maybe we could have tried harder to help our friend in need. Maybe there was something else we could have done.

I cannot imagine what it's like to have depression to your degree, OP, but I know for a fact that your roommates care about you, or else they wouldn't have done what they did. I genuinely hope you feel better, and please feel free to reach out if you need to vent or talk. Everything will be okay.