"My" son was born today. I think I'm getting a divorce

UPDATE: Thanks for the support guys! In the hours after the post I noticed the baby had grown short grey hair and developed some sort of rounded black glasses. It kept saying "jag kommer att ta dig" so I ended up calling the CDC and they came and got the creature.

They are not sure if the spore story is true, but they assured me they will do whatever is needed to contain the creature. They even guaranteed that, if needed, His Almightiness Dr Fauci (may he contain the monstrous spawns) would take care of the business himself (I feel blessed and ashamed at the same time).

Meanwhile we were blessed with a mandatory celebratory double lockdown of 3 months and daily COVID tests. I'm still not sure whether to forgive my wife or not but we put the scheduled Zoom™ meeting on hold for now.

/r/ChurchOfCOVID Thread