Honestly it sounds like you had previous experience and trauma with triads and hadn't been together long when you got pregnant unexpectedly and was a perfect storm.

It kind of sounds like everyone involved needs therapy and space. My point to all that is it's worth considering if you want to keep pursuing triad relationships that keep ending in heartbreak for you and if it may be best to cut ties with this couple so you can heal and move on at some point.

Cause I very much doubt John is an innocent party in this, and it wasn't reasonable or honest of either of them to act like you could or necessarily should be as important as their marriage when they already had a child and are legally bound.

Also, even if you think John is an innocent party, he still chose to not wear protection knowing you just had a baby and were not on birth control. Also, divorces are extremely traumatic for most people, and he should really be focused on healing and his child, not staying involved in a messy situation where he doesn't take much responsibility to avoid what happened.

Also, personally, I wouldn't bring my kid around someone that I hadn't been dating seriously for an extended period of time. If you really want to be involved with one or both of them, you should wait until you've had therapy and whichever one of them you want to date does as well, but I think trying to date both of them at this point could be risky.