I mean, you are still talking about her like she is a child, like she can’t be trusted to make her own decisions and protect herself. You talk about her going out with that guy previously and you say he got her drunk. No, she got herself drunk. She’s an adult and adults decide when and how much to drink and who to drink with. You say that she needed you to rescue her because he was trying to give her a ride home. Did you ask her if she would have gone with him? She knew she had a ride coming. Was she really planning to leave knowing you were coming? Do you think she actually would have slept with him? Or do you trust her enough to believe she would have stopped things when they became overt? She probably felt insulted that you thought she was incapable of stopping things or protecting herself since she’s not a child.

Your wife is an adult. If she weren’t married to you, she would be navigating all of these things on her own and would likely find her own way through. What she’s likely missing emotionally is the feeling of being trusted and respected as a person who is capable of making her own decisions and judgments, as an equal adult. It sounds like you haven’t had the ability to see her that way in a really long time, if ever.

Have you ever questioned your own ability to read and judge people? You sound awfully certain that you know best even though you aren’t the one directly interacting with these people on a regular basis. Are you always so certain about your judgments of people? Because most people get it wrong pretty often, especially when their judgments are based on speculations and assumptions. Your wife may be looking at people with rose-colored glasses or she may simply be giving them the benefit of the doubt until there is evidence to show there actually is a problem. Her approach isn’t inferior. It is just different than yours. Some people take a “guilty until proven innocent” approach to life and some people take an “innocent until proven guilty” approach. Both approaches have benefits and drawbacks. Neither is necessarily superior. Your wife may need to see actual evidence before writing people off. That doesn’t make her weak or in need of protection.

As for the current situation, you haven’t really said anything specific about the subject matter of your wife’s communications so I still don’t know what makes you think it is an emotional affair on her part. You’ve only mentioned that they text late at night and, to me, that doesn’t necessarily prove anything. He could be waiting until his fiancé is asleep or it could be when he has free time to text. Personally, I don’t have text conversations when I’m spending time with my family because I think it’s rude. So, my text conversations tend to happen on my lunch break or late at night when I’m not otherwise occupied. Is it possible the content of the conversations hasn’t crossed a line yet and your wife is giving her friend the benefit of the doubt until she sees actual evidence he is trying to start something? Shouldn’t she, as an adult, have the right to make that call with her friend?