My whole life. from the beginning.

...most of all I'm just looking for the love that I never received from the only people in the world that I wanted it from.

However confronting that may be, it's a good thing to realize. Make sure you don't go looking for love in that place again, they don't deserve your attention.

I assure you there are so many people out there who will love you for who you are, it's up to you to choose who you let into your life. In a way the experiences you had can help you too, you will find you have a certain sixth sense for the emotionally manipulative people you want to avoid.

I couldn't convince my parents to love me and that felt like a major failure on my part. There had to be something wrong with me and that mindset became a very self-destructive thing, I was very angry at life and spent a lot of years feeling very wronged and misunderstood. For a long time I wondered what the hell was wrong with me and later in life tried to figure out what was wrong with my parents.

Personality disorders, emotional disorders, there could be a million reasons but some people are just incredibly selfish, manipulative, and straight up damaging to be around.

A therapist once said to me "Maybe they just don't care" and I think that sums it up pretty well.

I just want affirmation that I didn't screw up my life.

You don't need it. You were a child and the people that were supposed to take care of you in a loving way did the exact opposite. You know what you experienced and you know how your parents are.

For me that was the most frustrating part because I simply can't imagine treating my own child the way they treated me. So it had to be me. Confronting it is difficult, it can feel very unreal and you get stuck in that "Are my parents really like that or is it me? Maybe it's me?" - train of thought. Whenever I turned to my parents for any validation of my feelings I wouldn't get it. They never acknowledged anything I felt and it was always about them. That messes you up, and makes you question your own experiences and whether you're correct in feeling what you feel. Please keep that in mind.

Anyway, I'm glad you took the time to write it down, it was something I needed to read. I hope you find what makes you happy and achieve all your goals, and if you ever want to talk or just need to vent you can always pm me.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread