You know, I'm kind of getting the sense here that your problems aren't about the baby, they're about you and your wife. Maybe she's finding being a full time mom is not as fulfilling as she thought it may be? Personally I get the feeling that there is some type of resentment going on on her part towards you for something, I cannot tell you what it is as it's incredibly hard to tell. Here's what I do know, your wife is getting ready to bolt right now, you are in a very risky situation. Personally, I don't think it's irrecoverable in the least, but it may take a LOT of work to get things up to par. Having a child is incredibly difficult, it can change some women, she may be going through some emotions she's too terrified to talk about, it's your responsibility to extract those feelings and help her deal with them. Maybe she's regretting having a child because she's really feeling the weight of all the work, who knows it could be a number of things. I just get the sense that she's getting cold feet of some type.

I actually understand her perspective on daycare's, I don't know if toxic is the word I would use, so much as negligent. They don't always pay attention to many of the kids, and a lot of them don't have fun. Sure there might be some studies that state otherwise, I don't know how much I trust those studies to properly evaluate what needs to be evaluated. How on earth would you measure a child's happiness with the daycare? One might think, well that's unimportant, but it's actually very important for a growing child, it's critical to their trust in their parents later on. I've gone a bit off-topic here but my point is, ask her what she means by toxic. When she gives the explanation then explain that she's got two conflicting values, she both A) doesn't want her child in a daycare, but B) doesn't want to put in the necessary effort to take care of the child all day. Well, now what, right? She needs to understand that it's perfectly fine to not want daycare, but then she HAS to step up and do her duty as a parent because otherwise it just won't work. It sounds to me like she's getting cold feet about having a family altogether, which is really quite normal for two parents. I don't think the relationship is salvageable, but if you let this sit, it certainly will become a problem