Female here— from my POV if I were to cheat on my husband on the day of my 10 year, I’m flat out unhappy but too scared to leave the marriage as it’s safe to stay and sneak around.

Don’t blame yourself, OP. You seem like a good dude raised right by your grandfather and mom. I have to agree with everyone here, it’ll take a long time to heal. How you want to heal and whether you want to make this marriage work is entirely up to you.

Are you able to accept what happen and get past this? Are you willing to accept your wife’s apology and move forward? If you’re able to answer those and both you and your wife have the effort to work on this, I wish nothing but the best for you.

If not, you deserve better.