That’s quite a scary situation to be in. You must be feeling quite trapped, no one should feel this way in life but some relationships take their toll this way. I feel this is a psychological issue, the fact you’ve tried to speak with her about it and cannot come to amends is the worst part. Income is quite a common way for an insecure person to deplete someone else. Perhaps she’s going through a difficult time and it can be your job to understand why she is so stressed and critical of finances, maybe there could be other unresolved issues with her.

I know it’s a lazy piece of advice but if you’re struggling to come to a balance with her through communication, try therapy, for yourself or together?