My wife refuses to have sex

My wife and I had this problem. For several years there would be touching and kissing and backrubs (when she wanted them) and then if I got a boner she would suddenly "have to go to sleep" or "get a headache" or "have to work in the morning." Every. Time. I tried being patient but honestly it fucking broke me. I felt imprisoned, unwanted, deceived, hideous, depressed, but most of all I just wanted to know that she even actually cared. She would say she didn't want to feel obligated to have sex just because I got horny.

/r/deadbedrooms and /r/sex told me to leave but I didn't want to, I love her more than anything. As a Hail Mary I got her a Hitachi and told her not to be afraid to use it while we were snuggling. I don't want to say it solved all our problems, as super open communication helped a lot, but let's just say those backrub sessions go a lot differently when there's an industrial strength vibrator involved. Idk your situation, but it could help. Been five years since we had any problems.

/r/sex Thread Parent