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So my wife started playing Destiny.
After weeks of threatening to start playing and take my precious time away from me, she finally did it. She created a warlock. A "sexy" warlock because she "likes the way they dance".
And because I'm a good husband, I bought her Obsidian Mind back when Xur actually gave a shit.
In about two weeks time, she leveled her guardian up to 20, and then took a quick jump to 25 once she equipped her gear that I had stored up. She had a Suros, P&T, and Dragons Breath waiting for her in the vault.
It's been a weird experience. Arousing and terrifying both at the same time.
But more than anything, it's been hysterical. Here are some of my favorite quotes from her journey so far (just to paint a picture, she's about 5'2", 135lb, blonde, ditzy (not the bad kind, more of the endearing, chipper kind), and pregnant):
-Wizards are cute. I like them because they remind me of Harry Potter. But why do they have to screech so much?
-Watch me sexy dance.
-A level 31 helped me do a public event. I saluted him and bowed. I'm a respectful guardian.
-Why does my purple bullets always disappear when I die?
-What do you mean that's a glitch? Why don't they just fix it?
-I'm not very good at aiming yet.
-Driving this sparrow is really hard.
-Shanks are the spawn of satan. I hate them all.
-If Phogoth is so strong, how did he get chained up?
-Wizards are sexy. -They are? (Asked by a clannie of mine) -Yeah, like a dark, creepy sexy.
-Boom! You're dead! Oh wait, I died.
-Where are you? Where are the bad guys? You killed them already? (Shouted into the microphone while a clannie helped her do a strike).
-I hate my ship. Why don't they make cuter ships?
-So I just go kill all these big guys, but then leave the really big one at the end and let him kill me? Then do it again? That's not very fun.
-I don't get why you call it wiping. What are you wiping?
-The stupid postman keeps making me take crucible bounties, and I DO NOT want to crucible.
-You have to get all the way to level 5 just so that you can get that ugly little hand cannon?
-It's my turn to play Destiny tonight, right? You said we would be able to bond over this. Now it's your turn to watch me play.
-Phogoth is a d-bag.
-Captains are the devil.
-Why isn't Xur giving us purple? If it's broken, he should do the nice thing and give us purple.
Overall, it's been a hysterical and awesome experience. Frustrating at times to share, but at least she gets the addiction now.
There's countless more quotes, but that's all I can think of for now as I sit in the airport waiting for a flight.
If the community enjoys this, maybe I will make a V.2 soon, or start writing them down rather than just remembering the classics.
Enjoy!