Let me know if you see this comment, okay?
I know this is a throwaway account, but it would be nice to know that I didn't waste my evening composing this. Thanks!
You're doing the right thing! I'm behind you 100%, and I'm here to tell you it's not over. Narcissists are masters of psychological manipulation. Youneed resources to get through a divorce with a full blown narcissist, trust me. You can divorce one, but they will make you pay for it. Some narcissists are overt, some are covert, all are charming and all have seductive skills above and beyond. You only see the extent of their jaw-dropping nastiness when they have isolated you from everyone else. Few get away after that point, it's a takedown. They also cut loose the people they don't need anymore without a backward glance. Your wife was deliberately isolating and actively severing your kid from his own family. She was going slowly, to bypass your awareness. She married you planning to do this, because she judged she could.
I was profoundly isolated twenty years ago by the one person I loved and trusted above all others, my beloved father. Everything I valued most in my life has been irrevocably destroyed. My own user name was picked for a reason — Grimm's Fairytales are almost all based on narcissists and their victims. Rapunzel's hair reflected to many years she was held in isolation. I'm still growing out my hair until I can climb out of this tower, and that's only partially a figurative metaphor.
Reddit has a large and growing community of people who have suffered the effects of narcissism in their families and relationships. Narcissism is a massive, invisible problem, affecting many millions. The first and largest of Reddit's support groups was started for children of narcissists five years ago. The need for RBN was overwhelming, because there was literally nothing else up to now. We were all isolated and nobody believed us. Mostly, victims are actively blamed if they speak up and ask for help. Together we are becoming self-aware about a phenomenon that affects millions of people. This support group has now grown into a family of 22 subreddits. You may want to browse a few of them that I included below, and see what resonates with you.
You are just beginning to deal with the fallout from having fallen in love a narcissist. We've all done it. You're going to need help to divorce one and keep your sanity intact. You'll be subject to manipulation that will leave you full of self-doubt. These groups can help you stand your ground. Lurk for a while first, and then you too will start to recognize what people are talking about. Also, believe it or not, you're still totally susceptible to getting into a relationship with another narc, with your eyes wide open. They can be anyone, and very hard to spot upfront. They are drawn to nice people like you and your brother. You'll want to learn how to actively witness narcissism — it's a lot harder than it sounds. But we can even begin to consider how to help and treat them until we've awakened our entire culture and protected ourselves.
You were judged very harshly in the comments here. But! It is very easy and common to be completely seduced by a narcissist. I assure you, more than one commentor here is under the thrall of a narcissist, and more than is a narcissist. I commend you for having dug deep, and grabbed the the spark of love and compassion in you that made you question dumping your little brother. You paused, clamored through the fog, asked for advice, and the unanimous force of the comments here woke you up. That is a very, very big deal. Seriously, I'm proud of you.
And Hey! Go have some fun with your kid — plan a white water rafting trip, or a special camping weekend just for you guys. Go make those precious memories that you'll both treasure. You two nearly lost each other forever — Whew! You both dodged a fucking bullet, man.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAfterNarcissism 11,579 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse 13,674 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/narcsinthewild 7,965 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/ShitNsSay 3,872 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/Nrelationships 3,668 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/RBNBestof 3,586 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/RBNRelationships 2,323 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/RBNSpouses 2,095 readers
https://www.reddit.com/r/RBNLegalAdvice 1,991 readers
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