I think there’s a lot of things to consider. I don’t think either one is 100% to blame. I don’t think it’s fair to assume he did anything wrong or that she just wants “to go bang other dudes”.
They have 7 children together. 7! That’s a lot of kids. And the youngest is 1, for fuck sakes. People don’t just fall out of love one day, after 22 years. They don’t wake up and think: “huh, today seems like a good day to fall out love with my partner or 20+ years and break up my family.”
I think this was a slow progression, that happened over time and many years. I think in his head, because he’s still in love with her, everything was wonderful! Roses and daisies and they got along great and he was passionately in love, so he just assumed she was, too.
She probably was falling out of love for a long time. Each kid probably added some distance. She should’ve expressed long before now, that’s absolutely on her. She should’ve at least had a conversation with him when she started to feel herself grow distant from him and gave the man a heads up. Whether she wanted to fix it or not, she owed him that, a conversation, the truth. Not springing this on him after 22 years of what he assumed was a happy, blissful marriage. That sucks. Because if there had been issues she was resentful about or struggling, talking to him about it could’ve given him a chance to try and fix whatever it was that made her grow distant emotionally.
But we’re only getting a very small portion of the story.
Who was primarily responsible for taking care/tending to the 7 kids?
Did she work?
Was intimacy an issue or no?
What conversations were had?
Did he see any indication or sign she was pulling away?
Did he ask her if they could save the marriage and if so, why or why not and what were her reasonings?
Why did she fall out of love?
Could there be another man? Absolutely. Could there not be? Absolutely. As a mom and a woman, I can understand why, after 7 kids, she might feel she’s lost herself entirely to motherhood and being a wife. Her whole existence, for 22 years, has been serving/tending to others needs. And hey, she helped bring those kids into this world. That’s what parenting is.
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t come at a great cost, more so for women then men.
All she’s ever known was probably him and being a mom. She might just want more and to explore who she is and feels she can’t do that with him anymore. She might feel she can no longer grow at his side. Maybe she felt ignored. Overlooked. Under appreciated.
And if that’s the case, he had no idea because he believed everything was great. And that’s not 100% his fault. No one is a mind reader and I doubt he would’ve continued to make his wife feel a certain way, especially negative, if he believed it was hurting her or harming their marriage.
It’s a sad situation that happens often.
He isn’t totally at fault and neither is she.
If she was a SAHM, I’m assuming she doesn’t have money of her own or is able to afford a place that can fit however many kids are still living at home. That’s why I’m assuming she wants to continue living together.
OP, were you the breadwinner? Does your wife have a job or money of her own to support herself and the kids with?
There’s a lot of layers and variables to this.
I’m sorry he’s suffering, I truly am. I can’t imagine the pain he’s in. But I do not think his wife would be walking away from a 22 year old relationship if everything was as lovely and perfect as he assumed and thought it was.