I would agree with that, but I think that martyr mentality is what initially motivates him to do tasks and then his "control-freak" tendencies (for lack of a better term) mix with the martyr tendencies which inevitably makes things toxic. I think you're right in that he feels obligated to help, but it's odd because he's often not only happy to help, but almost seems to look forward to it at time...until an argument starts or he comes across an issue he wasn't expecting. For instance, last night I had just quickly mentioned "when you get a chance, I need your help with something" and an hour later, as I was taking care of something completely different, he had already started preparing the new TV, was joking around, and really just showing the opposite of resentment to have to help.

My father is not the oldest, in fact he's nearly the youngest. But a few of his older siblings were already out of the house as he was growing up. I think it stems more from my grandfather more than anything. He was a real stern, straight-off-the-boat immigrant, barely spoke the language, very strict, and did all he could for the family. I think my father kind of internalized all his good, and bad, habits and just doubled down on it all. I specifically remember family gatherings as a kid would typically end with my grandfather getting upset over something and leaving early with my grandmother, almost like he never wanted to be there to begin with. My father tends to act the same now, only he'll act like he forgot there was a gathering or will purposefully find work to do so he doesn't have to go or be home if it's by us. Not always, but sometimes.