My world has collapsed.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. This is a bewildering and surreal experience to be confronted with.

That autopilot mode you speak of, I know it well, as do many in this sub. In retrospect, it seems a sort of a survival instinct that kicks in when the unimaginable happens. The good news: it’s not a mindset you’ll stay in forever, and it can actually assist you in getting from point A to point B in the short term. The downside is that in the meantime, you’re kind of along for the ride and any semblance of control over anything seems elusive. Literally everything feels different, even familiar things, when this kind of grief hits. I’m sure there are other suggestions in this thread and throughout this sub that can be useful to you. In general, my advice — Lean into things that resonate with you in the moment, and avoid/discard things that don’t.

A few things that helped me get through this that I can pass on.

  • You deserve to be taken care of right now, so surround yourself with people who are in the position and mindset to give more than they demand.
  • Go outside for a walk.
  • Take on meaningful but (relatively) mindless tasks. Paint a room you don’t like the color of. Organize some books. Replace a light bulb or smoke detector battery. Whatever.
  • Naps if you feel so inclined.
  • Subscribe to/visit this sub. You are not alone, even in this moment, which is both heartbreaking and comforting. It’s difficult to describe. I’ve been “in the club” for 2 years, and I still read posts here daily. Even if though most of us will likely never meet “IRL” in our lifetimes, this shared experience binds us in some way.

Again I’m so sorry. Know that you can and will get through this.

/r/widowers Thread