I am so sorry you’re going through this. This is a bewildering and surreal experience to be confronted with.
That autopilot mode you speak of, I know it well, as do many in this sub. In retrospect, it seems a sort of a survival instinct that kicks in when the unimaginable happens. The good news: it’s not a mindset you’ll stay in forever, and it can actually assist you in getting from point A to point B in the short term. The downside is that in the meantime, you’re kind of along for the ride and any semblance of control over anything seems elusive. Literally everything feels different, even familiar things, when this kind of grief hits. I’m sure there are other suggestions in this thread and throughout this sub that can be useful to you. In general, my advice — Lean into things that resonate with you in the moment, and avoid/discard things that don’t.
A few things that helped me get through this that I can pass on.
Again I’m so sorry. Know that you can and will get through this.