So in the beginning I didn’t like my moms boyfriend, he met my mom because he was my brothers mechanic (let’s call this brother A) I was 17 at the time and hadn’t lived at home for 2 years because I was going to school in the city where I could get a real education. So after 4 months of them dating he asks me and my brothers if he can propose to my mom, I said yes because he wasn’t abusive to my mom or my brothers so what ever right. Well in the last year and a half I have come to dread going near him and brother A.

3 years ago I was diagnosed with a terminal illness and given about a decade left, I was only 23 when I was diagnosed and I had just lost everything in my life because of loosing my social group. So I’ve been pretty depressed but handling things as best as I could. I had asked my mom to keep my brothers updated about my health because I mentally could not keep up with all the emotions of people around me let alone my own. Just some back story here to get a feel of family dynamic...

Brother A has always been incredibly abusive towards me, and no one has ever stopped him, and when I get upset I get yelled at because “couldn’t I just take a joke” “ you’re a worthless cat” and all the gas lighting language possible. For years. Finally in April we all exploded, I couldn’t handle being called a worthless “cat” anymore, my own friends that pretty much adopted me had just lost their youngest daughter to suicide, my niece/sister idk I just loved her, a week later one of my closest friends did of brain cancer, and a day after that was my best brothers memorial as he died when I was 13. So it was a pretty freaking emotional year on top of all my own health issues. So a fight started between both my brothers and myself resulting in me trying to take my own life because I really believed the lies brother A would say about me. It turns out both my brothers didn’t know about my health issues because my mom wouldn’t tell them, so of course they thought I just didn’t want a job and wanted to mooch of our parents. My mom does nothing but tell me to shut up and just not listen to them as they all berate me. My stepdad is increasingly pissing me off because of his man child tantrums, like we couldn’t even go out to eat when they would come visit because he would throw a fit if there was even the slightest thing wrong with his food and he would yell at the waitress.

In September of last year my apartment was broken into while I was home by a woman on meth, and he berated me for being scared to sleep. 3 weeks later I am at my parents house in the country staying so I can attend my nieces funeral and we were robbed in the early morning and my mom watched the robbers drive away and suddenly the whole world ended for my mom n stepdad and their fear was “legit” but they still refused to accept why I was scared for being broken in on just a few weeks earlier.

My step dad decides to get a gun, I detest guns, especially guns around people that think guns solve everything that they are the only answer to difficult situations. Roll around to a year later and I am finally being good about putting boundaries in place to protect my own mental health issues, for my moms sake I decide to go to thanks giving at her house, the very first night brother A belittles me, gas lights me, and proceeds to rip apart a 16 year old girl who was shown in the news supporting something she believed in, and I refuse to stand by and let people be bullies so I tell him to shut up, so of course I get yelled at by my mom and stepdad. Stepdad who KNOWS how much I hate, despise, protest guns then decides to ask me to go shooting with him. After that night I decided that I could no longer have brother A or my step dad in my life. Problem? I’m disabled, dying, and the income support for disabled adults isn’t enough to pay for living expenses let alone my medical ones. So I’m attached to my parents for the rest of my life because of finances, and I do love my mom pretty dearly, and my brother B, and I don’t want to loose those 2, but if I want to live a healthy rest of my life then I can’t have brother A or my stepdad in my life, but if I do that I also loose my mom and there for loose my apartment, medical treatments, food, my car, I’d loose everything and be homeless. So put up with abuse, or be homeless.

In a few more months I am taking the assisted suicide option, because it is physically too painful and mentally cannot take this anymore. I don’t feel safe anywhere in my life not even in my own body, I’m just wondering do I tolerate their toxic behaviour for my last year alive, or do I tell them off, sell all my stuff and live on someone’s couch for the last few months in an emotionally stable place?