It seems like a massive red flag that she’s not able to see the wholesome good that a such a genuine friend does for you. I know exactly how a male-female bestfriendship goes: one of my best friends in this whole world, one of the very few people I’d willingly step in front of a bullet for with absolutely no hesitations, without putting any gear on, and without asking a single, solitary question (just like you said), is a female. We actually dated for awhile but it just didn’t work because we were at two different places in life, we both still had some growing to do and some personal issues to iron out.

It sounds to me like that’s maybe what the deal with your wife is. She’s just at a place in her life where she isn’t READY to be married. She’s obviously got some rather deep-seated issues she needs to work out. And I hope she can get that without you having to choose between the two. But a bit of a word to the wise: somebody who is comfortable with themselves and their relationship would NEVER make their spouse choose between themself or their friend.

None of this necessarily helps you now, you’re kind of caught between a rock and a hard place (especially with a baby coming, and so soon).

Big disclaimer: I’m not a psychologist, just a stupid cop. I’m not a counselor, just a cop. I’m not married and I don’t have a kid on the way, so I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling but I can imagine. Also keep in mind that all I know of this situation is what I’ve read here. And last but not least: I’m not trying to push you one way or another. I just call it like I see it and I shoot straight, because it’s what I’d want other folks to do for me when I’m in a predicament.