I have been married 18 yrs and am generally happy. My wife and I do not fight, we get along great and we have two beautiful kids (aged 16 and 13). The problem is that we rarely have sex. Probably about 3 times per month, usually less. When we do have sex, it's pretty good, but it's always in our bedroom, lights out, one of 2 positions and not very 'experimental' or anything. We’re both in good shape and pretty attractive (but neither one of us would necessarily win any beauty contests). I am really dissatisfied with our sex life, and, although I am not normally a very communicative person, I have brought up this subject about 5 times in the last 15 years. The last time was last night (and the time before that was a year ago). I have made it clear that I am unfulfilled in that department, and in the past things got a little better, but only for a week or two. Now, I am hurt and angry that she is so uninterested in me, and, as I found out last night, was unaware that we didn’t have a great sex life. I try to keep things lively. I am very fit (I work out 3-5 times a week) and because I work out of my house, I always make sure the dishes are done, the laundry is done and our bedroom is neat and clean (and the bed made) every day. I have tried leaving lingerie under her pillow, I have left her notes and super-cheesy poems on her pillow, I tried buying a (discreet) sex toy for valentine's day (along with one of my home made cards). She always appreciates all this, but it never amounts to much. I travel fairly often, and even though I’ll be away for a week at a time, when I get home it’s “Hi Honey!” a peck on the lips and then “the vacuum cleaner is broken.” During sex, I used to go down on her all the time, but it was never reciprocated, (I haven't had a BJ in 15 years). I stopped going down on her about 2 years ago and she’s never mentioned it one way or the other. I’m not sure she noticed. I was away on a business trip last week, and came home after not seeing her for 10 days. When I got home, and made suggestions that we should have sex, she said that my timing was bad (period) and that was the end of it. Because she was on her period, that was that. Nothing else to do. her period ended a couple of days ago, and I was curious to see if she would indicate any kind of ‘green light’ but nothing. So I had “the talk” again last night, and told her that I was hurt and frustrated and angry. Of course, when I do bring this up, I feel like if we had sex after that, it would not be because she wanted to, but because I whined about it. Pity sex. Duty sex. That’s worse than no sex. In our discussion last night, I confided that I think of sex all the time, and that I masturbate about once a day, just so I don’t have to ‘bother’ her, and I asked her if she ever masturbates. She said “No, never.” WTF?? Apparently, the only thing worse than your wife not wanting to have sex with you is finding out that having sex with you doesn’t even occur to her. I don’t want a divorce, I don’t want an ‘open’ marriage and I don’t want to cheat on her (and I never have) but what am I gonna do?