First of all, it's okay. You're tired of it and that's the beginning, and where all the good shit starts. First of all, prepare yourself for a hard road. The one thing that jumped me and failed me out of the gate was not realizing that because you've been using this as an escape route for too long, there's a lot you haven't dealt with. You're gonna be one big, fat walking scar. Because all of that hasn't gone away. And that's okay. Hide for a little while if you need to. I did.

Second, and this is huge, figure out who your real friends are. Your REAL friends. Chances are, with the life you've been living, the real ones are ones you haven't spoken to in a long time.

Third, and this came as a surprise, the alcohol is actually the hard part. Or was for me. Who knew? Mostly because it's readily available, cheaper by comparison.

But know it's worth it. It really is. I still struggle, but god, it's great to not feel like shit all the time. And sleeping like a normal person is awesome. You've got a long road ahead of you, but with determination and the right support system you can do it. I did, and I have possibly the weakest sense of willpower of anyone I've ever met. Really.

And if you need to talk, I'm here. I work a ton, so I'm up at weird hours of the night. It's possible. I promise.

And as a sneak edit, the escapism doesn't go away, so don't try to focus. Give it something else to do. Find an escape in music, or in movies, or whatever it is. I got lucky and ended up moving in next door to my neighbor who's roughly my age and the world's biggest mother hen, and would literally pry me out of my house when I was upset, no matter how wasted I was and nearly physically sit on me for 48 hours if that's what it took. If you can find someone to do the same, that's great, but they're rare...so find solace in other shit if you have to.