1, 2 may seem like over kill, but I’ve yet to meet anyone who got into Buddhism who didn’t have a lot of stuff going on in their head, and it sounds like you’re really bringing up some stuff with your practice. I white knuckled it for almost 6 years before I started going to therapy, my practice and understanding really didn’t deepen until I got in touch with some of my underlying trauma. Outside of Buddhism I’ve wrestled with depression and anxiety for basically ever and to this day I’m always amazed at how much of an impact diet, sleep, and exercise have on my sense of well-being and stability.
Remember that you’re doing great, it’s hard and that’s normal, and pain isn’t punishment.