But killing herself will remove the possibility of it ever getting better.
That's true...but you have to understand, when you're in that deep, that doesn't matter to you. Because it also removes the possiblity of it getting worse. Since you don't think it's going to be worth it anyway, even if it does get better, it's not really a loss in your mind. Does that make sense?
She's an atheist, so her mother's advice of "let go and let God" is useless. Because she doesn't believe in any kind of afterlife, she doesn't have something wonderful to look forward to, no paradise or angles playing harps.
I'm sort of near that place. It sucks to think that in one sense. In another it's relieving that there's nothing. Just from my perspective and possibly hers.
But there is joy to be had in this world; seeing her son grow up and her own personal achievements and the promise of a life with me we've talked about for years. Even if I'm not part of the equation, there are good things worth experiencing and living and maybe even dying for.
But see, she may not feel that way anymore. She may feel that life isn't worth the return investment, so to speak. She may not feel that the effort and pain of existing is worth the happiness, or potential for happiness, that life may bring.
I truly believe that when you are a parent, you give part of your life to your children, that you no longer own that part of yourself, that it's your duty to stay alive and protect and teach them and guide them into adulthood. Even then, your life has meaning.
And she may not believe that anymore either. She feels that instead, her child is better off if she does not do that. What you believe at that point's kind of irrelevant, because we're talking about her. And I don't have the right or the knowledge to tell her if that's true or not, but it's what she believes, so you have to accept that. Instead of trying to convince her it's not true, maybe just tell her that although you disagree, you respect what she thinks. idk. it's hwat i'd want.
She has more to offer this world. We all do.
Coming from a suicidal person, I don't think I have more to offer the world. I actually think the world is probably objectively better off without me in it. She might think that too. And trying to disprove that's kind of pointless, because at that point there's no real way to logically prove, "Hey, that's true/not true."
I just can't stand back and watch someone I love, my best friend hurt herself. I'm just don't know how to let go of her and watch her flail in the current, knowing she'll just let herself sink. How could I not blame myself for at least part of it?
You have to accept that at the end of the day, our choices are our own. You can't stop her; you can only support her. That said, If you support her so much you get dragged down with her, then two people die.
There's a rule about airplanes that if the oxygen masks drop and people start passing out, and you have a child next to you, which mask do you put on first? The child's?
No, you put on yours. Because if you put on the child's first, then you'll pass out and no one will be able to help them. You put on your own mask first, so that you can care for the child. In the same way, you have to take care of yourself first before her, and if need be stop supporting her, so that you can be healthy.
It's not like a terminal disease where no amount of intervention will help. If this was a brain tumor or the like, I would feel differently.
That right there is something you should not ever think. In my opinion, at least. The reason is this: so many people are of the opinion that depression isn't a terminal disease, because it can't physically kill you.
You know the difference between cancer and depression? Cancer leaves you with the will to fight and live. Depression robs you of that. It should be looked at just like a terminal illness...or at least, an illness that has the potential to be terminal.
If it were, a lot less people would die by suicide. People think "Oh, depression's not like a terminal illness. But honestly, it kind of is.